Meet Michael Minister MP

No political party, once it gets into office, will continue to be Eurosceptic: thus reads Dan Hannan’s first rule of Government. But what will that mean should the Tories win in 2010?

Let’s jump forward a few years and imagine a couple of days in the life of Michael Minister MP. In the days following David Cameron’s victory he gets a phone call from Number 10, appointing him to a junior role in the Ministry for Administrative Affairs. At last, the chance to exercise real power!

Michael is – of course – a committed Eurosceptic. He cheered from the sidelines while John Redwood took on John Major in the 1990s, and only backed Dave in 2005 after he committed to taking the Tories out of the EPP. He was disappointed that the MEPs didn’t agree, but he kept criticisms quiet. Loyalty is a worthy trait; and he knew if he got into power he could finally do something about it.

The second phone call is from a friendly chap called Tom, the new minister’s Private Secretary. He is – of course – excited to be working with Mr Minister, and looks forward to meeting him. Unfortunately, this won’t be in the office; but on the train to Brussels. Yes, the first day in the life of Michael Minister is to be spent at the European Council. He will be briefed on the Eurostar.

For Michael, this is good news: finally a chance to say no, no, no to whatever bureaucratic madness is being thought up. Unfortunately, political reality has another idea.

Michael is to discuss further reform of farm subsidies and the effect on regional development aid. The French have agreed to moderate farming reform, if they can get a change in the rules on how deprived areas are defined. The Germans are completely opposed to the reform, as their agri-businesses are quite happy with the way things are. The Dutch – who are about to take on the EU Presidency – are keen for a quick deal before they are in office and their plans for high-speed rail links are completely overshadowed. The list goes on.

“Now Minister,” declares Tom as they sip coffee on the train to Brussels. “We in the UK want to see the moderate reform take place. It will provide cash for social policies in inner cities (which could be distributed to community groups) and reduce the bureaucratic burden on farmers. But, that will mean signing up with the French and siding with them on vehicle emission standards. If we don’t get a deal, then our farmers will still drown in red tape from Brussels and – given the current economic situation – it is unlikely you will be able to fund those drug centres in Newcastle.”

“So you want me to do a deal with the French?” asks our incredulous minister. “What if I refuse?”

“Well, minister that would be a very brave decision. A whole host of other business is dependent on this draft directive, and you will need to discuss the implications of a change in policy with your colleagues in DEFRA, DWP, DCSF, DFT and – of course – Treasury,” Tom listed. “Oh look, we’ve arrived in Brussels.”

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I could go on, but this is a blog and not a novel. Nevertheless, the experience of Michael Minister is not a fantasy. EU negotiations are complex. It is impossible to go into Brussels with an agenda that says “we are not going to play”. If that happens, then the EU will grind to a halt and the UK economy will suffer.

I am not arguing that change in the EU is not needed. It is just that achieving that change will not be easy. It will be time consuming and will demand a lot of partnership building with other countries and other leaders. It will also need compromise. Perhaps that is why it is impossible for a Government to be Eurosceptic?

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  1. Yes Minister, but only if we say so…
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4 Responses to Meet Michael Minister MP

  1. Anon says:

    You do you realise you are bolstering the argument for re-negotiating the terms of membership?

  2. Anon says:

    You can only re-negotiate the terms of membership if the rest of the EU are open to it and even then it requires the same complex discussions and partnership building described above. Talking is all very well but fundamentally I don’t think continental Europe and us see eye to eye and its unlikely we ever will. Even right wing groups in Europe still have healthy slice of socialism in them and are unconcerned by the anti-democratic direction that Europe is currently pursuing. I am not holding my breath for European electorates to rise up and force their representatives to adopt a more Eurosceptic approach. The European project is heading for a super state with absolute sovereignty and the power to govern all the people of Europe. They (the pro-EU politicians) won’t accept a half way house nation states, individual sovereignty and a basic economic trade zone. And so the choice is either in or out.

  3. Anon says:

    Mr Minister has just 10 mins on the walk from the Eurostar to the ministerial Maybach to consider this news. In a sudden rush of blood to the head he decides that this is the line in the sand and he will refuse to do any of the deals and partnership building suggested by his Secretary unless there is radical reform of the CAP. Later after a very disagreeble time on the way back on the Eurostar he gets a ‘phone call from No 10. ‘Dear boy, how as your trip to Brussells? Hmmm? Oh yes. I’d heard you had a little bother but no matter, something else has come up that needs your special talents. Now then what are your thoughts on the Welsh?”

  4. Anon says:

    I note the throwaway and totally unsubstantiated remark that, if Michael Minister says “we are not going to play” then…the UK economy would suffer. Most people would dispute that – particularly given that we import far more from the EU than we export. David Parsons

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